Opening up

Nov. 2nd, 2015 02:57 pm
discobloodbath: painting of angel, a blurred figure with dark  hair and wings against a golden background with one arm outstretched (Default)
[personal profile] discobloodbath
 A photo of a boy who is floating beneath dark water

My day was going pretty normally when I got a phone call from one of my friends that I haven't really heard from in a while. J. is my closest friend (the wording is important) and he's always kind of been unable to deal with my mental health issues and yet generally expects me to be able to deal with his. We talked on the phone for about an hour and he told me all about his life and everything that's been going on and he really opened up about his feelings and what was going through his head. I envy and love people who are able to open up about things in that way, with no real regard for the implications of the things they say. I'm honestly not really able to do that because I feel like I'm too worried about everything and how I will come across and how my words might affect people. I wonder if it is worth my time to work on that or if it's better to be loved than to be open about my emotions more than I already am. He was also very high so he might not have been aware of some of the pain caused by some of his statements but his semifunctional drug use isn't really and excuse for my pain. I kind of unsure of how I feel about letting him back into my life after he's neglected me for so long. 
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